i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
