was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
What a dumb baby whore.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
