I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize