I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
