Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize