bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
