I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
