i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
