last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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