I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
