I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
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