I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
