So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
