she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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