Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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