i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
