Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
