No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
