I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
