is your mom at the bar?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
