I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize