You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
