I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
