The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
