and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
