he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i think my tv is drunk
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
