Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize