Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Text me some of your sweat
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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