when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
