oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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