mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
