i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
