I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
