i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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