My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
