this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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