Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize