All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
