I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize