one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
my poor anus
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
