So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
