U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
