Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
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