So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
