All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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