Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
