i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
