at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
