Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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