I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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