Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
