I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
