If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
