I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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