Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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