So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
