My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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