watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
