I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You pole danced in your parka.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
