Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
