we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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