he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
