Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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