I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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