So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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