I wanna bring you to show and tell
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
