Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
