I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
