Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
